笑話故事一般指內容比較長篇的笑話,通常不是一小段文字可以表達。從笑話故事里可以很好的學習到看到故事的哲理，分享了英語笑話故事，歡迎欣賞！

　　拿破侖病了

　　Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.

　　"He‘s a good boy," said Jack‘s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."

　　"No, no, that‘s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!"

　　"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack‘s father. "You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."

　　杰克到一所大學去學歷史。第一學期結束時，歷史課教授沒讓他及格。學校讓他退學。然而，杰克的父親決定去見教授，強烈要求讓杰克繼續來年的學業。

　　“他是個好孩子，”杰克的父親說：“您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會有很大進步，學期結束時，他一定會考好的。”

　　“不，不，那不可能，”教授馬上回答。“你知道嗎?上個月我問他拿破侖什么時候死的，他都不知道。”

　　“先生，請再給他一次機會吧。”杰克的父親說：“你不知道，恐怕是因為我們家沒有訂報紙。我們家的人連拿破侖病了都不知道。”

　　他的得數只比正確答案多二

　　Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren‘t always smart enought to be accepted by the college.

　　One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I‘d better ask him a few questions first."

　　Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn‘t know any of the answers.

　　At last the dean said, "Well, what‘s five times seven?"

　　The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six."

　　The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two."

　　杰克霍金斯是美國一所學院的橄欖球隊教練，他竭力想物色好球員。但是好球員學業不行，院方不愿錄取。

　　有一天，教練帶著一位優秀的年輕球員去見院長，希望院方同意他免試入學。經過一番勸說后院長說：“那我最好先問問他幾個問題。”

　　然后他轉向學生，問了幾個非常簡單的問題。可是那個學生一個也答不上來。

　　最后院長說：“那么，五乘七得多少?”

　　學生想了很久，然后回答說：“三十六。”

　　院長攤開雙手失望地看了看教練。可是教練認真地說，“噢，錄取他吧，先生。他的答案只比正確答案多二。”

　　逼真的戲劇

　　When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater‘s current production and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: "The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television."

　　我在北達科他州立大學教戲劇入門課時，要求學生們去看學校劇團當時的演出，并寫一篇評論。看了一場極為精彩的演出后，一名學生寫道：“這部戲劇是如此逼真，以致于我認為我自己是坐在家里的沙發上，從電視上看到的。”

　　勢均力敵

　　One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."

　　The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.

　　Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!

　　有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的廚房地板上竄過。她很害怕老鼠，所以她沖出屋子，搭上了公共汽車直奔商店。在那兒，她買了一只老鼠夾。店主告訴她：“放點奶酪在里面，很快你就會逮住那只老鼠的。”

　　這位女士帶著鼠夾回到家里，但她沒有在碗櫥里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店里去，因為已經很晚了。于是，她就從一份雜志中剪下一幅奶酪的圖片放進了夾子。

　　令人稱奇的是，這畫有奶酪的圖片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，這位女士下樓到廚房時，發現鼠夾里奶酪圖片旁有一張畫有老鼠的圖片!

　　園藝手套

　　For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare."

　　Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.

　　幾個月以來，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的結婚戒指，因為我對黃金有點過敏。生日那天，我正在干園藝活時，丈夫問我想要什么禮物。我舉起雙手說：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的兩手都是光光的。”

　　那天晚上，我滿懷熱情地拆開了丈夫送的禮物。“生日快樂!”他說。我打開一看：里面包著一雙園藝手套。

　　提醒

　　Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you?" I teased.

　　"Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?"

　　我們的兒子是密歇根州阿爾馬大學的新生，開學幾個星期之后，我和丈夫決定去看看他。我特意提前給他打電話，“提醒”他我們將光臨。但是當我們來到宿舍時，他的房間凌亂不堪，我非常吃驚。“忘了我們要來，是吧?”我取笑他。

　　“開什么玩笑?“，他回答說，“要不我憑什么費神打掃?”

　　基本原則

　　One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running."

　　位于吉拉多海角的密蘇里東南州立大學有一位我非常喜歡的老師，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在對一個新生班級講解他的基本原則時，他說：“我知道我的講課可能經常會枯燥乏味，了無生趣，所以如果你們在上課時看表我并不介意。不過我堅決反對你們將表在課桌上猛敲看它們是不是還在走。”